College Kid Problems

Things You Learn In College

I decided to put together all my #ThingsYouLearnInCollege tweets along with some new ones.

-How to professionally bullshit an entire essay

-Naps are the most important part of your day

-It’s impossible to do homework on a Saturday

-Any night is appropriate to drink

-Birthdays are a week long celebration

-Alcohol is your only real friend

-The harder you study the more you drink

-You’ll only do laundry when you run out of underwear

-Peer pressure makes everything more fun

-Bad decisions are nothing to be ashamed of

Now time to go drink myself into oblivion

Good reasons not to study

Just in case you needed anymore reasons not to study for that test tomorrow here are some good ones.

-Too much energy
-Not enough energy
-Your favorite movie is on tv
-They’re giving away free food somewhere
-You gotta check twitter and Facebook
-You have to do laundry
-Your room needs to be cleaned
-Someone offers you free alcohol
-You can study tomorrow morning
-You gotta catch up on your favorite tv show
-You need a second nap

Any and all of these situations are acceptable excuses not to study…guess I should stop procrastinating now. Fuck.

Things I’d Rather Do Than Study For Finals

Here’s the complete list of things I’d rather do than study for all you bored enough to read them…

- get mauled by a tiger

- live in an igloo naked for 3 days

- pull off all my fingernails

- stand in line at the DMV

- choke on my own vomit

- get a kidney transplant

- drink orange juice after brushing my teeth

- gain 25 pounds

- stick a bobby pin into an outlet

- have a child

- donate bone marrow

- have no internet for a month

- shave one of my eyebrows

- take a shot of straight rubbing alcohol

- set myself on fire

- clean every bathroom in my dorm

Thanks for reading now go do something productive with your life